ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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