you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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