i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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