he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize