I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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