Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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