So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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