I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
love makes seman taste better
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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