He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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