I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize