I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize