We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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