I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize