I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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