I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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