remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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