someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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