Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were destined to go to rehab together
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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