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the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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