Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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