all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize