Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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