He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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