I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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