one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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