I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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