Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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