We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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