Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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