i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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