she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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