Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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