just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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