I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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