im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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