So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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