i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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