her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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