I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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