My liver just broke up with me...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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