forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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