dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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