I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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