in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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