Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize