You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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