my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize