Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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