ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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