In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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